why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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