addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
even my farts smell like vagina
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
