my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
