the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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