That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
