so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
