why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
