I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
