dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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