life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
