i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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