am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
