I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
