I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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