She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
