sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
