just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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