I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
