well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's never too late to be topless.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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