So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
