"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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