I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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