what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
