thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
