you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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