So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
