I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
