i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
