I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
