every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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