I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
