My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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