THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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