last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
