I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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