I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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