Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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