Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
