gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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