Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
