i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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