How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
