I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
