so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Oh god it's open bar.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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