the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
