I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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