Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
