All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
