Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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