So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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