im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
dude. I can hear the air.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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