I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
