so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How does one acquire holy water?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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