You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
