he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
3 2 1 whiskey
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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