i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
