we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
