i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
