Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
