I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
