Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
