I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
