i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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