I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
