And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
