Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
