we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
