I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
