so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
