hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
