the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
