Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
