I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I look better un-naked...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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