We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
